In demanding an end to “stupid” smart jewelry, Ms. Campbell-Dollaghan reveals just how out of touch she is with the needs of today’s fashion-savvy working girls. Heterosexual, gender-normative mothers on the go need stylish accessories that accurately reflect their deepest desires: They want to be pretty. They want their every movement outside of the home to be monitored by their husbands. And they want accessories that are retrievable after every mugging. Seriously, as if there were even such a thing as jewelry that doesn’t have Wi-Fi capability!